Personal Belongings

“Daddy”,

I hope you told them. I hope you explained your poor choices. Did you own up to your mistakes?

I really want to believe that you would have the decency to do just that. But, for some reason, I can’t believe that you would want people to know what kind of person you really are. I could call you a coward. I could say that you never cared. I could try and explain to them who “daddy” is to me. But would they understand? Would they listen? Have you painted a different picture for yourself?

I bet you have. Well, painted a different picture anyway. I’m sure you haven’t told them. Because, why would you? They love you so much. Why would you want to ruin such a good thing by being honest?

Why wouldn’t you tell them? Don’t they deserve to know? They deserve to live an honest life. Well, they are. To the best of their ability anyway. If  they don’t know, then their life is still honest but your’s is one big lie. You may claim three of them but you don’t claim me.

With them, you have painted this pretty little picture. I am so glad that you find pride in their accomplishments. I am so glad that, to your friends, they are “Oh! So beautiful!”. Everyone deserves to know that their “daddy” is proud of them. I’m glad they have that. I say that I could tell them what you’re really like to me, but I don’t know if I could show them the horror that I see. Why would I do that to such beautiful people. They’ve never done anything to deserve that. But, then again, I didn’t think I had done anything wrong either.

This begs the question: “Was it something I did”? NO! It’s not. You’re just one of those people in life that wants what they want, when they want it. I had nothing to do with it. And, for a while, I just figured, “Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for him”. “Maybe he needed to live his life first”. But wait… They are older than me.

You claimed them but you wouldn’t claim me. What was it that scared you away? Was it fear of commitment or was it some strange fear that I might have been the best thing that ever happened in your life? Some meaningless child that could, somehow, make you care less for yourself and more for someone else. That would scare me too. I guess what I am saying, is that I wouldn’t be so selfish as to walk away from something that I had helped to create. You are a coward.

I hope you told them. I didn’t want to be the one to flip their worlds upside down. So I really hope that you are the one that told them before I had the chance to. But I keep giving you all this credit. I keep telling myself that , maybe, by some chance, you actually told them about your errs in judgement. Would you really be the one to announce, without someone first questioning you, that you abandoned one and kept three. Maybe you did tell them and just explained it in such a way that you have continued to manipulate those closest to you. If that’s the case, then congratulations! You have officially hit a new low.

I really hope you told them and you were honest about your mistakes. I hope you regret it every day of your life. I hope it eats at you. I hope when you think of me, I haunt every thought that crosses your mind. That much, you deserve.

I hope you told them. But did you? Did you ever think to tell the precious “little ones” that they have a sister? That you abandoned your third child? That you, then, went and took care of someone else’s daughter as if she were your own?

Did you care to tell them?

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